FRIENDS ( HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM)

Today's reality is that most men and women have friends of the opposite sex. I have never been an enthusiast for such friendships because I feel the dynamics between men and women in each others intimate (not sexual) space prevent a true platonic relationship from taking place. Now many men and women alike can highlight a friend of opposite gender to whom they haven't had a single intimate thought towards...but does that mean they haven't had one about you? Maybe. And even if the thought crossed one or both minds, if both are single, and nothing stands between them except space and opportunity, sometimes that person to whom you've confided your most intimate mental sketches, ends up a choice to entertain a relationship.

But opposite sex friendships can become interestingly dangerous when one or both parties are already in a relationship. There are many elements that at times, quite frankly, people neglect to consider while involved in these friendships. For example, most of us are familiar with wanting to keep our friends and our relationship separate. We are all familiar with wanting to keep our friends and our partners' friends separate.And that isn't an apparent problem, UNTIL your lady goes out for drinks with that "guy" that she's "cool" with, that by the way, you don't know personally; or when your man(ladies) is giggling back and forth on his phone via text with his "homegirl" that, by the way, you do not know personally. We've all faked being cool about it because we subscribe to the theory of trust (see "the trust paradox") and or we just didn't want the subsequent argument that accompanies that conversation. But let's be honest; it pisses us off!

Me and my lady friend have battled each other tirelessly on this issue. Now most people in a relationship today, can attest, that upon connecting with your companion, they had friends of the opposite sex. And that did not present a problem for me, as it probably did not present a problem for most of you. Our battles did not stem from the mere existence of such friendships. Our battles stemmed from the fact that most men and woman don't make their companions COMFORTABLE with those friendships. And because of such guarded behavior towards "those" friends , men and woman become oblivious to their companions obvious distaste towards the situation because their too busy protecting it. It's one thing if, for example, your lady grew up with a man from, say, grammar school and their friendship remained in tact until the present. Most likely, you would, and you should have a re pore with that man. It's another thing when she recently became cool with a man that you know know virtually nothing about and neither him nor her make a concerted effort to make you familiar and COMFORTABLE with their friendship.

These concerns do not amount to distrust. I never condone accusatory behavior in relationships. It is more a call for consideration. Most men and woman, IN MY OPINION, possess what I like to call "cancerous insecurities" that as long as their intimate companion exhibits consideration in certain aspects of that relationship, shall remain in remission. But (and this is a big but) consideration is about as common as getting struck by lightening. So I ask, can "those" friendships realistically exist in conjunction with a relationship? Better yet, can "those" friendships realistically exist in conjunction with YOUR relationship? This is food for thought; you do the dishes.